Letters

Dear Water Bottle Companies:

This just in:

New lids on plastic bottles save environment, but kill consumers.

Let me elaborate.

I know we’re all trying to save the world and the cute, fuzzy animals and stuff. Which is why the water bottle makers decided to make smaller lids. Less plastic use, they claim.

So that’s fine.

Except my hand doesn’t have the option of being made smaller to fit around your ridiculous caps.

You’re saving the environment, sure. But you’re figuratively and literally shredding my dignity and the skin on my palm. And blisters are not worth bottled water. They’re just not.

At least my city provides me with clean water from a faucet. Maybe a dirty faucet, but I guess it’s better than drinking from a creek. Yeah? Am I right?

I’m in college, so I suppose I’m basically used to living in filth anyway. (But that’s another story for another day.)

My tap water may be full of chemicals and may give me a shorter life expectancy, but it doesn’t make me bleed. (LOOKING AT YOU, PLASTIC BOTTLE CAPS.) And really, what more could you ask for?

*Disclaimer: All facts listed above may or may not be false, as I am not a scientist nor am I an environmentally-aware person, no matter how hard Green Peace tries to make me one.*

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