Christian · Letters

Dear Christian,

Dear everything Christian:

I’m talking to you blogs and magazines and books and television shows (?) and whatever else you attack me in.

We need to talk…

About how much you talk about marriage.

I’m breaking up with you, ironically.

Because you’re stressing me out.

It seems like you’re trying to convince me that love is going to magically find me without any of my own effort. You have me convinced men are never afraid of anything and will always pursue me when they have an interest in me. You have me convinced a perfect Prince Charming is what I need to be looking for.

The only problem is, he’s not real…

I really do appreciate what you’re trying to do. You want me to have a Godly marriage and I’m SO glad that’s an option. But it’s not going to be a perfect marriage. You want me to date Christian guys and look for marriage material in them, which is also great. But still not perfect. And looking at guys and saying, “Wow, we’ll either break up or get married,” is CREEPY, and also stressful and terrifying.

I’m actually pretty scared about relationships and commitment and trusting someone else so much and becoming one and all that stuff. Don’t tell me it’s perfect. Tell me it’s scary. Tell me it’s hard. Tell me mistakes are going to be made by Christians and non-Christians alike. Tell me the truth.

And stop telling me I’m for sure going to find love. I want to and I have hope that I will and it’s gonna be great. But I feel like if something happens and God decides I’m never supposed to fall in love, my whole world will fall apart. I won’t feel complete because the world and the Internet keep telling me I’m supposed to find a Godly man to marry.

The outlook of marriage isn’t great for me right now. But there’s nothing wrong with me. Also, I haven’t even turned twenty and the idea of marriage just seems so far away. Which is why you give me ten thousands tips on Christian dating. Okay. No more checklists, please, because no boy I come acrossย will ever meet every high standard he’s supposed to meet.

Maybe instead of focusing SO MUCH on human relationships, you can tell me why Jesus is the only relationship I actually need and the only one that will actually fulfill something in my life. It’s the only love that is, without a doubt, perfect. It’s something I can trust and something I can go into without fear.

Marriage is biblical and wonderful and amazing and exciting and all kinds of things. I support it and I love it.

But Jesus is better.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Dear Christian,

  1. My friend, Donya Dunlap, wrote a book, Forgetting the Fairy Tale. Itis available at her website or on amazon. Just google her name with the book title and her website will appear. The book addresses this topic spot on. She is a single young woman serving the Lord, happily!

  2. I loved your post!! Your honesty was so refreshing! Even (and maybe especially) in our Christian circles, satan feeds us a half truth and we take it and run three marathons and a 5k with it! Thank you for calling out the cliches and bringing perfect love back to the Bible, not the chapel. Praise God for His unconditional love for His bride!!

  3. I’ll talk to you about why Jesus is the only relationship you need and the only one that will fulfill and satisfy, it’s because it is the absolute truth! Yes, I am in a christian relationship and yes it is amazing and wonderful and we have talked about marriage because we are in love BUT, it wasn’t until I fully surrendered my life to God where God allowed me to feel His love before I could ever truly love another man. The world takes the word love and makes all different types of definitions for it but as Christians, we have the true definition directly in our hands, in the bible, ‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no records of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance’ (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). This is what God wants us to experience with love and how He wants us to practice loving others. Will we fail at it? Yes, and more than once. Does that mean we are failures at love? No! We will never be perfect, God is perfect and has made His son Jesus to be perfect and to die on the cross to save us from our sinful, imperfect nature. We are not called to be perfect because we find our perfection in God, but we strive everyday to live according to His purpose, correct? That’s what we desire as christians when we desire to have a relationship with Him, with God, our King! We can’t have a relationship here on this earth, until we know what it is to have a relationship with our God and to know His precious, perfect, and faithful love! No one will ever match up to what He can give us and how He can satisfy our hearts desires, but He does know we have desires as humans and we want to be married, or maybe some don’t, but for the ones that do, He already has someone for you. And as women, it’s a difficult concept trying to understand, ‘wait to be pursued’ because we are so impatient BUT we aren’t to sit back and not do anything while we wait for our godly man to pursue us. We take action and WE- speaking to both men and women need to be pursuing God and serving Him and experience what He can do in our lives before He allows anyone else to enter into this wonderful life He has given. I met my man serving in youth group, college ministry, being a Sunday School teacher and teaching at VBS (vacation bible school) with no thoughts of even being in a relationship because my heart had been so on fire for God and I was (and still am) so in love with Jesus and the love He gave me but it just so happened that everything I signed up (or was asked to do), my boyfriend, John, was involved in as well. That’s our story, everyone has their own but the point is, we can’t love anyone until we know the love of God, ‘we love because He first loved us’ (1 John 4:19).
    God Bless ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I agree with finding your own path in life, first and foremost!
      It has taken a good ten years on my own to start feeling that I have a life of my own to pursue. I needed that time to firmly settle in my own values and beliefs, and to work through my own issues which would most definitely affect any relationship I went into. Perhaps there will be a man in my life at some point. Perhaps not. I know for sure though, that if I am fully set on a path of my own choosing, then I am bound to make contact with others on that same path. For both friends and marriage partners, this makes for a much higher likelihood of a strong bond, and long-lasting relationship. If I were a teen again, then these last 10 years would have taken me to perhaps my mid to late twenties, which I believe would have been time well spent. As it is, I am now in my early forties. Caffeinecraver, you are young and single and express a strong spiritual longing, and this is a wonderful thing. Certainly there is no pressure to do anything but what you currently have your heart set on. ๐Ÿ™‚ Totally support you. ๐Ÿ™‚

Share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s