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Blindly moving forward

I took a personality test last night. I didn’t like my result. It made me seem boring AND it was the most common personality in the world.

C’mon, test, I’m rarer than that.

So I took it again and got a different result. Better.

Then I made my boyfriend take it and he got the coolest result. Rarest in the world and twinning with people like MLK Jr. and Mother Teresa. I started reading up on this type and decided it sounded more like me than my other results.

JUST to make sure, I took the test again. I got another different result.

Basically, it seems I have no idea who I am. But I feel like it’s deeper than that.

I don’t think I give myself enough credit. I know who I want to be, but somewhere deep down I have doubts that I can ever be enough. I always want to be better.

I want to change the world. But I’m too small.

I want to inspire people. But I’m too quiet.

I want to be a light in the lives of my friends. But I’m too introverted.

I want to sympathize with people. But I’m too shy.

I’m not in touch with my emotions. I’m not a leader. I’m not important. I’m not the smartest person at my university.

I’m not, I’m not, I’m nothing.

These are the thoughts running through my head daily. Constantly thinking of the things I’m not, I forget the things that I am and forget I was created perfectly by the great I AM.

It doesn’t matter that I can’t seem to figure myself out with a personality test. It doesn’t matter that I can’t be defined by four letters. It doesn’t matter what I am not.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have a purpose. I have a Creator and a Spirit inside me that makes me bigger and stronger and more powerful than I could ever imagine.

So, I am blindly moving forward. Not knowing who I am, but knowing who Jesus is. That is enough.

I want to change the world. I can’t. But Jesus overcame the world.

I want to inspire people. I can’t. But Jesus is inspiration.

I want to be a light in the lives of my friends. I can’t. But Jesus is the brightest light of all.

I want to sympathize with people. I can’t. But Jesus took the form of man to sympathize with us all, and he gets it.

I am not, but Jesus is.

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One thought on “Blindly moving forward

  1. Most personality tests and systems aren’t really worth anyone’s time. Might I recommend you looking into the Enneagram? When I did campus ministry both as student and leader, getting ‘typed’ was an official-unofficial rite of passage. It’s ancient, it’s accurate (scientifically-proven, no less!) and there are number of surprisingly good books on it written from a Christian perspective. Riso and Hudson’s ‘The Wisdom of the Enneagram’ is well worth the time and investment…and helps you avoid those nasty false dichotomies.

    Best,
    –b.

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